Chiang Mai, Thailand

Why I chose to go to Thailand: The first time I even thought about Thailand was when I was sixteen. Sick and sitting next to the fire in a building older than my home country, I was surrounded by people chattering in Valencian, a regional language in Spain, while champagne was being poured, grapes were being prepared for later that night, and chestnuts were roasting over an open fire. I really thought I was part of a Christmas song come to life. All around me, the tiny mountain village in eastern Spain anticipated the stroke of midnight; it was New Year’s Eve 1999. Wrapped in a blanket, with my eyes somewhat glazed over, I watched the TV coverage of a New Year's celebration in Thailand. I had never heard of the country. Geography, at that point anyway, wasn’t a forté of mine, but for some reason the room around me faded away. Fascinated by the TV images, I watched people release what looked like square-shaped, white balloons, candles glowing inside, up into the nighttime air. Ever since I was mesmerized by those images I’ve had a fascination for Thailand, and that fascination is alive as I prepare to depart for study abroad. I know from experience that no place is how you imagine it. For instance, before going to Spain, I hadn't even known this language called Valencian existed. My trip to Spain led me to discover Thailand, and I’m curious to see where my experience will take me from there. I am both nervous and excited about having my current mental images of Thailand shattered as were my images of Spain. Hopefully they’ll be replaced by something even better.

Another intercultural experience I had: Being of both Hispanic and Caucasian decent, I was raised in an environment that combined two quite-different cultures. Early on, having two different types of families was not a big deal. I hardly gave it any thought except when some of my cousins laughed at me because of my non-existent Spanish skills. Later, however, I became confused about the questions adults asked me. The first time I remember my ethnicity being in question was in the fifth grade. The California Test of Basic Skills asked that I check a box defining my race/ethnicity. The teacher instructed us all to fill in box “White/Caucasian”. A friend of mine questioned this, because his mom was from Honduras and, therefore, was Hispanic. I knew my grandparents were from New Mexico, and I knew that was definitely not a different country, but I also knew they didn’t speak English very well. The teacher asked my friend a question in Spanish and he responded. “You can mark that one,” the teacher said, “but no one else!” I felt hurt, not only because I didn’t get to check a special box, but also because I knew part of me was Hispanic. Unfortunately, as far as my teacher was concerned, my language skills proved otherwise. Later, I came to the conclusion that I was both Hispanic and Caucasian. This conclusion was not an acceptable one to some people, either. The forms I filled out insisted that I only check one box! “But I’m half and half!” There were also people who were skeptical of my ethnicity because it is not immediately apparent that I am Hispanic. I was still just as much of a gringo to most Hispanics outside my family as the rest of white America. “You’re only saying that because you want scholarship money.” “You just want an unfair advantage,” my white classmates in high school would say. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Because of these experiences, my search for a cultural identity was a somewhat difficult one. I didn't fit in any one group, and I experienced backlash from both sides. In college I finally got a firmer grasp on my cultural identity. The ways in which we see ourselves — and the ways in which we are defined — have very real social consequences.

How this class helped me prepare for study abroad: To be honest, I was not well prepared for the year I spent abroad as a high school student. A cross-cultural crash course would have done wonders for me before that experience I was not expecting my year in Spain to be free from any unpleasant experience, but I was not expecting it to be as hard as it was. I wasn’t sure why things weren’t working out, and, try as I might, I just couldn’t understand where my host parents were coming from. They often misunderstood me, as well. Little did I know it at the time, but some of my conflicts were due to culture clashes and misunderstandings. The result was a broken relationship with my host family. I ended up moving in with another family. My new host mother and her German husband had spent much time abroad, and I think they were the ones who were prepared for me, rather than I for them. Taking Cross-Cultural Understanding & Intercultural Communication has given me a new perspective, has allowed me to understand past mistakes, and has prepared me for problems that may arise in Thailand. Issues of personal space in the home, privacy, and “saving face” are just a few of the things I feel lucky enough to understand better, because they may indeed come up during my stay. I hope I will have an easier time adjusting to living in Thailand. Now that I understand the role that culture clash can play, I’ll be able to understand my experiences in a more valuable and less conflicted way.

What I identified as the greatest challenges facing me as I began my study abroad program: I’ve always had trouble forming close relationships. This has become easier for me after living in Spain and coming to college, but it still makes me worry. The Thailand program makes me somewhat nervous because I will not be in a host family most of the time, and I fear I won't make enough connections with Thai people. Every week we will be somewhere different meeting new people, and although this can be exciting, I’m worried that I won't get to know anyone very well. I am a quiet and reflective individual, so it takes some time for me to open up to people. I am worried that this will hinder my ability to form the relationships I desire to create while in Thailand. Anyone who knows my friend Lexy and me knows that we are nearly inseparable. People often joke that we are attached at the hip. I also worry about not having my best friend close enough for quick phone calls and short walks. I am not worried about being an outcast, but I’m just worried that not having access to a good friend will make the bad days worse. The absence of the important relationships I now take for granted is going to be the most difficult thing for me to deal with mentally. Although I crave new experiences, the absence of certainty in social relationships is really difficult for me. It's hard to imagine what things will be like when I’m abroad.

Describing the changes I went through on study abroad, as if I were speaking of someone else : Shock. There is no better word to explain what Josh went though his first week in Thailand. Having never gotten less than an A on any grammar assignment in a foreign language, he was completely lost. In his head swam words and phrases of English, Spanish, and French amongst the new Thai sounds that held no meaning to him. He ended his first week not knowing whether he was going to make it through another day — let alone another six months. Thankfully, the seven different "mai” tones started to become clearer and somewhat intelligible. This gave Josh a new sense of ability and purpose.

There were high and low points in Josh’s journey. There was frustration with learning the language and also some frustration with a few of his fellow classmates. It would have been impossible to get stronger, more different personalities in a group from “K” if you had tried. Still, he soon found out how to work well with all of them. This in itself was a valuable learning experience. There were times when Josh couldn’t believe what he saw, and times he had to try hard to understand the way things worked in Thailand. Looking back over his experience though, Josh found he had grown more than he had anticipated. The adventure was less about learning another language and seeing the sights than it was about understanding the lives, hopes, and aspirations of people who hardly crossed the minds of ordinary U.S. Americans. Now having returned from Southeast Asia, Josh feels more certain about who he is, what he believes in and — most importantly — why.

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Read excerpts from my letters home.