Chiang Mai, Thailand

Why I chose to go to Thailand: I have led a very privileged life. My parents have always provided me with more than I ever needed — toys and a big backyard as a child; clothes, a car and a private college as a teenager. While I am usually very grateful for all they have provided, I know that I often take my status for granted. I am told by society that I am privileged and that I should be thankful for all I have, but sometimes I do not know why—I am still surrounded by people in nicer clothes, driving nicer cars to more beautiful homes. During my search for a study abroad destination, I kept these thoughts in mind: I wanted to go somewhere that would expose me to poverty, where people truly appreciated what they possessed, and where my eyes would be opened to the world outside my upper-middle-class bubble. For me, Thailand felt like the perfect mix between poverty and affluence—a mix that will allow me to observe people in each situation. I am confident that the experience I have in Thailand will be eye opening and will help me to see my life in the United States in a larger context.

Another intercultural experience I had: During winter break of my sophomore year of college, I was able to spend a day in Haiti. The visit came at a time when I was making my final decision about where I would apply for study abroad—I still had the chance to study in a more developed nation if I so chose. I felt that Haiti might give me a glimpse of what study abroad would be like if I studied in a developing country. While shopping and bartering with local merchants, I realized how different their life was from my own. Never before had I been surrounded by so many people, all wanting me — even needing me — to purchase their product. I was overwhelmed with the constant shouts of, “Here, miss, come look at this pot,” or “I have just the vase for you, please come look, miss.” My dad and I spoke with one particular vendor; his hands were stained and broken from the hard work he put into making the items he sold. In broken English, he told us how he could never fully provide for his children, despite his constant work. Seeing people like him gave me a taste of a life where every penny mattered, where a piece of imported fruit was a luxury. My experience in Haiti further reinforced my desire to travel to a developing country. It made my heart hurt to see people living in such poverty, yet being thankful for every dollar I handed them. It made me want to pursue further, similar experiences, to help me understand why and how people are in this situation, and how it affects them.

What I identified as the greatest challenges facing me as I began my study abroad program: Oddly enough, I believe one of the greatest challenges while I am in Thailand will be overconfidence in my ability to integrate into the culture. I honestly feel invincible, as if I can overcome anything, or more accurately, as if nothing will affect me. I often feel that having taken this class and done some research about Thai culture, I will have no problems adapting to the culture. If I stop and think about it, I know this is not true—I am sure I will face a lot of difficulties and frustrations during my first interactions with the Thais. Yet I still have feelings of overconfidence. I fear I may unintentionally convey images of superiority or arrogance if I feel too confident, and this may hinder my efforts to become integrated within the culture.

One of my biggest concerns about going to Thailand is my inability to speak Thai, and therefore to communicate effectively. I know the problem will eventually disappear as my language skills improve, but I worry that I will not be able to communicate my critical, basic needs — asking where the bathroom is, or getting directions to my house if I am lost. Deep down, I am scared that I will not be able to learn Thai. One of the things I am most looking forward to about Thailand is talking to people and learning about their lives and experiences. If I do not pick up the language, I will miss out on one of the main reasons I so badly wanted to study there.

How life might be easier in Thailand than in the U.S.: While in Thailand, I will probably feel freer with my actions because nobody will know me. I will not have to maintain the same persona that I have in the US. I won't feel that everything I do or say has consequences for my future, so I won't feel obliged to calculate the benefits and disadvantages of every action. In Thailand, I think I will feel more able to make mistakes, more able to fail and struggle, more adventurous and more willing to embark on difficult challenges. In the United States, I dream of these freedoms, but am forced to maintain the image of perfection and control that people have come to expect of me. I hope that having permission to fail will allow me to learn things about myself I would not otherwise learn in the United States. While I do not intend to compromise any morals or values, I do fully expect to be more carefree and outgoing. I think this will make it easier for me to be in Thailand than in the United States.

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Read excerpts from my letters home.