The Invisible RA Patriarchy

By Viola Brown

Every year at colleges all over the country many hopeful students apply to be residential assistants (RAs). Most do it for the free room, some do it so they could hook up with insecure underclassmen, others do it so they could sell meth in a peaceful environment without having to worry about someone “searching their room.”

The sad thing about K is that an “invisible RA patriarchy” exists, and no one ever talks about it. People are too busy protesting racial appropriations and trying to figure out who of their peers are writing absurd Konfessions post. But the RA patriarchy is an unknown list of standards that students must meet to be a RA, strictly enforced by the Office of Residential Life. This is the issue that people should be protesting.

Since most people aren’t sure what this is, I’ll tell you the ways the RA patriarchy affects us in our lives as college students:

1. In order to be a RA, you must be ridiculously good-looking. This will allow residents to take you more seriously, as well as have creepy fantasies about you having to “rescue them” from a deranged roommate.

2. In order to be a RA, you must drink/smoke/party with your residents. This is mostly done for safety reasons and so that students don’t get written up (K needs to keep the public reputation of everyone being goody two shoes).

3. Along with number two, RAs must date your residents. Again it’s for safety reasons and to make sure the free condoms, dental dams, and lube from the Health Center is par excellence.

4. If you are a male you must constantly be shirtless and wear tiny boxers. If you are female just leave your door up when you are changing.

5. Fail your classes, because then you’ll have more time to fulfill your role as an on campus model. Your job is to be prominently placed around campus to attract prospectives like the models in the shopping malls during the holidays.

6. Be emotionally unstable; the residents would relate to you more and see you as one of them.

7. Make “Thirsty Thursdays” and “Five Shot Fridays” community builders. Let’s be honest this is the only way residents can truly bond and embrace the patriarchy of drinking culture.

The RA patriarchy just leaves many worthwhile job applicants without employment. It unfairly biases people and divides us as human beings, so this is what people need to talk about. This is an unknown prejudice that leaves qualified students unemployed and probably drunk.

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