OSI Introduces “White Girl Wednesday” Event

Can't Even: Wind Down Wednesdays will undergo a #TransformationTuesday to become White Girl Wednesdays. OSI recommends bringing your fave Starbucks fat-free latte and wearing yoga pants.

By Katie Schmitz

In the recent weeks, the Office of Student Involvement (OSI) has noticed a decreased attendance rate of their weekly Wind Down Wednesdays.

“Nobody comes anymore,” one representative from OSI stated. “No matter how many T-Shirts and tubes of paint we provide, nobody seems to want to spend their hump day unwinding with us.”

OSI has come up with a solution to solve this dilemma. The same representative announced, “Next year, Kalamazoo College will be replacing ‘Wind Down Wednesdays’ with ‘White Girl Wednesdays!’”

White Girl Wednesdays will be very similar to Wind Down Wednesdays, the one difference being that instead of various crafts, and student will be able to gather in Hicks and engage in various “white girl” activities.

“We’ve already started looking for someone who will provide yoga pants in bulk for a good price,” said OSI. “We also have a plethora of iron-on letters, so students can customize their butts with any word or phrase that they want.”

Instead of providing popcorn and soda to attending students, pita chips and different flavors of hummus will be available to sample, along with LaCroix flavored water. “We’re also working with Kalamazoo College Dining Services to try and perfectly replicate Panera’s Broccoli Cheddar Soup,’ said OSI. “Perhaps we could also offer pastries for an additional 99 cents. We tried to collaborate with Starbucks, but like most white girls ‘they just cannot’.”

Other activities will include expressing each other’s feelings in 140 characters or less, creating Cute Emergency or nostalgic 90s TV stickers and putting them on things, putting Instagram filters on famous photographs, and creating a safe space to discuss their favorite drinks on Starbuck’s secret menu.

OSI would like to stress that anyone and everyone is welcome to attend “White Girl Wednesdays,” regardless of gender or race.

“In addition to being a time for students to gather together and unwind, it will also be a form of cultural awareness,” OSI stated. “We’re really killing two birds with one stone. I think students will be absolutely thrilled.”

More information about White Girl Wednesdays can be found by searching the following hashtags on Twitter: #WhiteGirlWednesdays #white #girl #Wednesdays #WindDownWednesdays #wind #down #nofilter #OSI #O #S #I #humpday #hump #starbucks

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